So since I moved to Orange County, precious few have visited my home. This is a relief because the number of childhood photos on display is obscene. But now I welcome you to join me on a virtual tour of chez Chen.
Welcome, and please leave your shoes at the door! We open in the living room. No that is not a Victorian garden, those are our couches. Here we have a brown baby grand. Many times have I been made to entertain guests at that piano. The coffee table is covered with a weird woven tapestry, which children like to put on their heads. At the other end of the living room is the dining area. Nobody eats there.
Now we duck under a useless door partition and enter the kitchen. If you go through the drawers you will see we are steadily cultivating a collection of sauce packets and chopsticks still in their paper wrappers. We will grow this collection until we have no more drawer space and then we will throw it all away or move to a new house.
The kitchen leads to the family room. This is where my parents chose my most embarrassing childhood photos for display. This is also where you’ll find numerous mystical artifacts for Oriental wellness, like a rod with a hammer at the end for slapping your back, various implements for massage, and nestled in a small embroidered chest, a pair of porcelain balls for manipulating in your hand. On the coffee table are Chinese newspapers from last month. You will also find a startling array of Christian VHS tapes and Chinese favorites such as Mulan and Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.
Well I’m getting tired now and my lunch is ending soon, so we’ll finish this tour some other time maybe!
At that time I will gather you;
at that time I will bring you home.