written here.

Mommy: i bought a sleep pants and some of underwears if you or Mel likes

me: oh hello!
I love sleep pants!
what do they look like?
are they very sexy

Mommy: you will see

me: ah, so they are sexy pants

Mommy: no

me: what?
then why’d you even buy them?

Mommy: you don’t need sexy goods

me: I like to tell smei mei that she is a sexy chick

Mommy: how you feel today

.this is an office

This is an office. This is an office whose walls are closing in and folding out, whose ceiling is curling up at the edges.

This is an office where the lights are on but nobody’s home.

Here is a girl. Here is a girl who knows that sometimes, the stairs fall through, and little bits are all you’ve got. Here is a girl who counts hours, petals, days, memories.

Here are people. All of who don’t give a crap, to be quite honest. All their fingers type but all the cards are blank.

There is a tomorrow. Bleak, for sure, but lined with brightness. There is a tomorrow. Growing somewhere underneath this mess, like a curled up fist of leaf waiting to open.

And when it does.
I’ll be waiting.

.buttons

This morning
As my raw skin reddened
Under the wise sting of medicine
I thought to myself
How strange it is
That I associate hurting
With healing
And that one
Always comes before the other

Continually running heavenward with our hopes

.the coming fall

He says
Bye bye beautiful
And I’m reminded of my heart

As he says
Bye bye beautiful
It falls quietly apart

I used to think I was a selfless friend

But I am increasingly convinced that selflessness is not just wholehearted devotion to someone.  If that were the case, Satan would be selflessly devoted to us.  Rather, Godly selflessness means giving greatly and expecting nothing.  And when nothing is received, to be greatly satisfied in God.

Selflessness means expecting more of God and less of man, but giving more to both.

.piano

I cry from my fingertips
My heart breaks against the keys
When my mouth cannot remember
My piano speaks for me