Street Banjos and Drunk Bodybuilders
Last night, Justin and I stuffed our faces at Bare Back Grill in downtown SD, as I do on a bi-monthly basis. Afterwards, we decided to walk up and down 5th Ave. We went into the charming Goorin’s Hat Shop where Justin tried on several fedoras in the corner and we commented on their poor fit until an employee informed us that we were in the children’s section.
Back outside, there were two white people playing banjos. I think they were banjos. I’m not familiar enough with white culture to name the instruments with full certainty. A crowd was gathering, so they hit up a lively country tune. After a few moments, I looked around and realized that we were literally surrounded by hipsters. I’m not even exaggerating, every other person was wearing black rimmed glasses. One minute we were standing there, and the next, everything was ironic. They heard the banjos and came running I guess.
Later, Justin and I came upon a man stumbling drunk out of a tequila bar. I have never seen someone so drunk before, not in person, not on Youtube, and not in a game of Charades. I’m not sure if he was trying to walk with his legs or with his hands. It was like watching a tornado. I mean, not only was this guy reeling back and forth down the sidewalk, but he was ridiculously buff. Like a pro bodybuilder or a cast member of Jersey Shore.
A bicycle cop came riding up through the crowd of hipsters (hipsters are happy to part for a bicycle) and he was like “You okay, man?” which I thought was strange, but as I turned around to savor the sight of someone getting arrested, I instead witnessed a miracle. Jersey Shore had inexplicably pulled himself together and was standing there, upright, with his arms crossed, chatting with the cop. It was amazing.
Granted, he was probably saying “Hey officer, good night for a fat fink, have you seen my nibber?” but nevertheless, I was soundly impressed.
